DisjointedThoughts

From Heroes of the Great Tree

I listened to the pulse of the ship, humming around me even though it lay silent in the dock. Welcome home. I stared at the body by the stairs, melted away like butter.

Some mechanics can feel their ship and know what's wrong with her just by listening to her. I ain't no mechanic, but I am a captain. I can hear the voices of ships and especially ones I have called home. This one, a former home, sounds different, sterile. It breaks my heart. She had my face. I got to see it up close. I saw her smile at me, waiting for me to die.

This were my ship, my first ship. I had so many high hopes back then. It were pulled from the graveyard, revived after a lifetime of neglect. I would clean her up and show her the love she deserved. I couldn't take my eyes away from the body by the stairs, a jumbled mess. I lay my two cousins in the other room. I carried them all by myself and made sure they lay all nice and proper. I hadn't enough courage yet to drag her.

The ship whispers to me. Take me back, make me whole again. But I have another ship to think about. One that's faster, able to keep up with the Hoshi. I need to catch up to that one as well, find out who's on that ship. Then maybe I can come back to her, if she'll accept me. Vann almost died today. He may still die. Zari is working on him in the medical bay. A man of infinite wisdom, he's the voice of reason in this entire mess. Please don't let him die. Afterall, I'm already dead, lying in a heap next to the stairs.

She won't take me back. Not if I leave now. It's always choices. Lots of choices. All bad choices. I killed myself.